marleneslittleangels

My heart was broken four times when I lost four little ones before having my family of four today. I had guite a time, and was told on one occasion I may never be able to have any children. I had what is called a bicorniate uterus. After my hysterectomy they found it was acturally a double uterus. Making both sides smaller than normal, which made it harder for me to carry a baby to term. I did carry each one a little longer. But it was hard when I carried them as far as I did. With my first baby, I had a seperation of the placenta, and being it was my first pregnancy, and I was just sixteen it was very frightening. I started hemorraging. I had my Landlord and his wife take me to the hospital as my husband had already left for work. He was in the Air Force and we were living in the little town of Merced California. Our house was behind theirs, and. they were very sweet and helpful. I got to the hospital in plenty of time but It was just too early to have the baby. I was only six and ahalf months pregnant. The baby was born and lived nine and ahalf hours. He was just not big enough to make it. They did not have the ability to save the little ones back in 1957. Later that year I had a miscarrage, my husband received papers to go over seas, so I came home to live with family. Before he even left I was having problems and lost the baby.

It was several years before I tried again. I was pregnant and thrilled. We had a house fire and I was so worried the stress might hurt me. I had false labor several times after that and was only five months pregnant. Then at seven 1/2 months I noticed that I hadnt felt my baby move. I started crying and begged my husband not to leave for work and told him what I feared. He took me to the doctor and the doctor didnt tell me anything, he said that I should just go home and get some rest. It took five days before I had baby David who was born asleep.

I had another son in March 1961. He was so beautiful and I couldnt have been happier. I felt so blessed. Now I knew I could have a child. Keith was born two weeks early. I was even in the hospital for 2 days the first of the month for a rest. But now I held my little bundle of joy in my arms. I nursed him and was athe best mother I could be. I used to dress him up in little boy outfits and take him out everyday, We walked to the park, Keith in his stroller. I loved it when someone would stop me to tell me what a beautiful little baby he was. He was beautiul, everyone thought he was a little girl. He was the best behaved child one could ever hope for.

I wanted to have a little girl to complete my family. It was just the next year when I found myself pregnant again. I seemed to do better with this pregnancy, We did'nt have ultrasound then, I just felt it was a little girl. I was so happy and everything went perfect till one day when visiting friends, she ask me how I felt and if the baby kicked alot. It had, but after that I didnt feel the baby kick again. I went to the doctor and he couldnt find the heartbeat, I begged him to take the baby I didnt think I could handle going through this again. knowing she had died. He told me they cant, that it could cause serious complications

I waited five days again before I started labor. My mother had come to stay with me and this helped some. I lost Kathy Lynn in 1963. I was devestated. I wanted this baby so much.. I was allowed to see Kathy and she was so beautiful. she had curly dark hair, and she looked so perfect. You just wonder why? Why? and the answers just dont come.

I wanted a big family and I was determined. I finally ended up with four little ones I was able to bring home. Two baby boys and then two baby girls. They are all healthy and grown up and on their own...

My youngest son, Keven was born six weeks early also and the doctor worked with him all night. I was awake all night till he came in in the morning and told me Keven would be okay. They had taken samples of both our blood and sent it to the university in Portland and Keven had to have a complete blood transfusion.. Before he was able to leave the hospital, he was given more blood. There was a problem with his blood but not RHFactor so it had them busy till they knew what was going on. He is very healthy and fit .today.

God gave me four beautiful, healthy children which I am very proud of today. But you still look back and there is still that aching, for you feel as if a piece of your heart is missing, hurting for the little one's in Heaven, though they couldnt be in a better place, and we know God is watching over them, we miss them and will till we are all together again....

ON A CHILDS DEATH

All heaven was in mourning, the day that young one died.

When He closed his eyes, they said, ten thousand angels cried.

The angels shed their many tears, because he was God's son.

But their is a special sadness, when God takes the very young.

At times like that, I question God, why let a child die?

I cannot understand it, and I need to ask Him why?

I, too have heard the angels cry,I've heard them cry first hand.

For I, too, gave up a child, and I've tried hard to understand.

Yes, I received God's comfort, though I'm grateful, I want more.

I want reasons, I want meaning, I am a parent who's heart-sore.

God can give, and God can take, I am well aware of this,